May 5, 2020
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness (Matthew 6:33a NIV)
Fair warning…I may be meddling today.
Is it more important to be right or to be righteous?
My analytical brain seeks to discover the “right” way to do things, and this often causes issues. As a teenager, I remember visiting a friend’s house. After dinner, she washed the dishes and placed the soapy glasses and bowls in a strainer. Then she quickly squirted water from the sprayer and walked away. At our house, you had to rinse the dishes first and then put them in the strainer. Hers was a much easier method, but wouldn’t it leave soap in the upside-down bowls and cups? The engineer in me sought to figure out the right way to rinse dishes, so I asked my friend about it.
Not too long after that, I received a note from her breaking up our friendship because I was “too good” for her. Broke my heart. Today I look back and believe I unintentionally hurt her feelings and made her feel judged. My role as a friend wasn’t to question her dishwashing methods; it was to encourage and support her. I’ve probably caused similar hurts to previous students, my children, church members, or others in my social circles in my drive to do things without error or meet someone else’s expectations.
There are times I’ve felt that same lack of acceptance from others. Even though I can recall many instances where people hurt my feelings, I can honestly say I doubt any of them were because someone’s primary motive was to cause me harm. They sought after goals like social acceptance or occupational success, and in that pursuit, my happiness became a casualty.
In middle age, I’m beginning to chill out on being right and focus a bit more on being righteous. An off-hand comment this week from a co-worker highlighted the change. She asked if I had lived in another country. When I queried for more information, she said it was because Americans tend to put efficiency and getting work done over relationships, but in other countries, the relationship-building often takes priority. She’d noticed I began interactions by first engaging people personally. I almost laughed. For decades I have been accused of the opposite. I’ve been so motivated to get the work done efficiently and thoroughly that I’ve often focused on the task more than the people.
In another recent conversation, a friend shared about deep hurts from the past that made me think more about this right/righteous quandary. Family and friends make comments that slash deeply, making us feel incompetent, unwanted, or insufficient. Our moral sense of right and wrong judges that person – “She should not have said that. It was unkind and insensitive.” And you know, we are probably right! Yet now God’s placed a choice before us. We can be correct (right) and hold on to that verdict, building a case against her that condemns her. Or we can be righteous.
2 Corinthians 5:21 says that through Christ we become the righteousness of God. Matthew 6:33 says we are to seek God’s righteousness. God’s righteousness involves perfectly right actions, but also perfectly right motives. Being righteous is being found faultless before God. While that only happens when Jesus’ righteousness is credited to us, it will be evidenced by an attitude of love rather than an attitude of having to be right.
When I fail, God forgives me, encourages me, and offers me mercy and grace. We’re probably all getting a bit punchy from stay-at-home orders and loss of various freedoms, so it’s easy to start pointing out the failures of others who aren’t doing things right. Maybe they are, and maybe they aren’t. But this I know, when someone fails me, righteousness isn’t about convincing others of their failures. It’s about forgiving, encouraging, and offering mercy and grace.
Thank you, Lord, for sharing your Spirit and offering us a new heart. May we be pleasing in your sight.
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